


The Gift of Family (Virgil's Birthday 2019)

by xworldofartemisx



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Birthday, Birthday Presents, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Happy Birthday Virgil, Happy Ending, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jokes, Making Up, Memories, Nostalgia, Reconciling, Remus being Remus, Repressed Memories, virgil's birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:48:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21862474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xworldofartemisx/pseuds/xworldofartemisx
Summary: Virgil's birthday fic, 2019Virgil had never been particularly excited for his birthday.He didn't think it was important and would be perfectly happy spending the day like any other, without anyone noticing.Still, when Patton brought him breakfast in bed, when Roman baked him a cake and they all sang to him, Virgil couldn't deny the giddy feeling of joy and love that blossomed in his chest.It was the feeling of family that made him smile as he tasted the cake, red velvet but purple, Roman's brilliant idea.There was one thing, though, that always made Virgil wish he could forget his own birthday.It brought back so many memories he wasn't ready to unpack and process.Virgil's feelings were complicated by default, that was just who he was, but with the added guilt and confusion, the memories of pervious birthdays were too much for him to handle.
Relationships: Familial Anxceitmus, Familial LAMP
Comments: 4
Kudos: 132





	The Gift of Family (Virgil's Birthday 2019)

Virgil had never been particularly excited for his birthday.

He didn't think it was important and would be perfectly happy spending the day like any other, without anyone noticing.

Still, when Patton brought him breakfast in bed, when Roman baked him a cake and they all sang to him, Virgil couldn't deny the giddy feeling of joy and love that blossomed in his chest.

It was the feeling of _family_ that made him smile as he tasted the cake, red velvet but purple, Roman's brilliant idea.

There was one thing, though, that always made Virgil wish he could forget his own birthday.

It brought back so many memories he wasn't ready to unpack and process.

Virgil's feelings were complicated by default, that was just who he was, but with the added guilt and confusion, the memories of pervious birthdays were too much for him to handle.

_"Noodle! There's a Side in the living room!"_

_Deceit_ _frowned at Remus' screech in confusion and hurried to the living room to see._

_Indeed, there was a Side, dressed in all black, with dark eyeshadow beneath his wide frightened eyes, his skin pale and his lips curved into a frown._

_"Hello, there." Deceit's voice was soft._

_The Side hissed at him, retreating into his hoodie and glared at him through his messy bangs._

_"It's alright. I know this one is a little intense." Deceit told him calmly, pointing at Remus, "But no one is going to hurt you."_

_The Side removed his hood but still kept his protective stance, looking at the two warily_.

_"What's your name?" Asked Remus._

_The Side sniffled, eyeing him from head to toe before answering timidly, "I-I'm Anxiety."_

_"I'm Deceit. This is one of the Creativty twins." Deceit explained with a soft smile._

_Anxiety nodded._

_Then, suddenly, Remus squealed._

_Deceit jumped, "What now, you chaotic trash man?!"_

_"He spawned today!!!! That means it's his birthday!!!" The Duke exclaimed loudly, causing Anxiety to back away slowly, quietly hissing._

_Deceit rolled his eyes rather fondly though he'd never admit it, and extended a hand to Anxiety, "What kind of cake do you like?"_

"Virgil? Is everything alright?" Logan asked, making the memory flutter away like a mirror being shattered.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." He mumbled, placing his plate in the sink and going over to the pile of presents near the sofa, "You guys really didn't have to get me gifts."

"Of course we did!" Patton exclaimed, "You deserve it."

Virgil side-hugged him and picked up the first gift, wraped in simple black paper, with a perfectly symetrical purple bow on top.

That one was from Logan.

He got him new headphones and another USB with relaxing music and audio books.

It might have been simple but it helped Virgil a lot and he really appriceated it.

"Thank you, Lo."

"It's no problem at all."

The next gift he grabbed was wraped in bright purple glittery paper with a bunch of bows and stars of various colors, tied with a golden bow.

That one was from Roman, of course.

It was an enigma box, golden excentuated by black and purple, with various little levers and buttons, complex in its beauty.

"Princey, this is awesome. Thank you."

Roman smiled brilliantly, "Of course, Emo Nightmare."

_"I knew you'd like it, Emo!" Remus grinned widely as Anxiety observed the object he had thrown at him as a birthday gift._

_"I...what..." Anxiety was baffled by the show of affection._

_Remus had given him a coloring book filled to the brim with murders and bloody crime scenes to help with his panic._

_Anxiety was hesitant of this crazy trash man and his ability to provide a nice gift._

_These strange two Sides who took him in made Anxiety feel confused and confusion made him scared and hesitant._

_Should he trust them? He didn’t know._

_Tormented by his conflicted thoughts, Anxiety opted on saying,_

_"This is awesome."_

_"I know right!"_

Virgil shook his head, chasing the memory away, and reached for the final gift, wraped in light lilac paper with a light blue ribbon.

The gift from Patton.

Virgil chuckled as he unpacked the gift, “Aww, that’s cute.”

It was a little spider plushie, purple and black, of course.

“It was very hard to pack it. I almost ran away three times.” Patton said, backing away from the stuffed spider, watching it with mistrust.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“No problem, Kiddo.”

_“What’s this?”_

_“It’s a gift. For you.” Deceit said, handing him the small black box._

_Anxiety examined it with suspicion, turning it over and around, expecting a trap._

_“Of course I’m tricking you, there’s no reason to trust me.” Deceit mumbled, fidgeting with his gloves._

_“Okay, okay, I’ll open it.” Anxiety grumbled and opened the box._

_His gasp betrayed his wonder and gratitude as he took the item out with a wide grin. Quickly, he hid it with a frown._

_In the box, folded with care, were fingerless gloves with the image of purple skeleton hands on them._

_They made Anxiety’s little emo heart flutter excitedly._

_“Why purple?”_

_“I don’t know.” Deceit shurgged, “All you wear is black and I thought you could use a signature color. I have yellow and Remus has green, so I thought purple would suit you.”_

_The snake-like Side Anxiety was beginning to like more than he wanted to admit turned to leave but Anxiety stopped him._

_“Thank you, Deceit.” He said quietly._

_Deceit offered a soft smile in return, his yellow eye glimmering, “It was so much trouble.”_

“Where’d you wander off to?” Roman asked him with a smile, “I’m supposed to be the dreamer here and yet here you are, zoning out in the middle of opening a present.”

Virgil managed a shaky chuckle, “Sorry. Got lost in thought. Thanks for the presents guys.”

They all piled on top of him, squeezing him tightly in a hug,”We love you, Virge.”

“I love you guys too.” Virgil replied with a smile but his brows remained furrowed, eyes distant as he, once again, got lost in thought.

_“This cake is so gross.” Anxiety complained but he was smiling._

_Remus cackled,”I made it with extra pickles and dirt just for you!”_

_Deceit chuckled, quiet and restrained, “I just wanted a nice cake and here’s what I get.”_

_Anxiety told him, “You realise you can just summon one.”_

_“No, I don’t know that.” Deceit rolled his eyes, “But I’m lazy and tired and sluggish because it’s really cold in here so...no.”_

_“You cold blooded lazy potato.” Remus tsked, “How can you be so lazy?”_

_Deceit laughed as Remus swatted his shoulder and then tried to bite his arm while Anxiety watched them with a raised brow, aware of how fond he’d grown of those two morons._

_“You guys are impossible. I swear I’m gonna go and turn into a Light Side if you don’t stop being obnoxious.” He grumbled, flopping down on the couch and pulling out his phone._

_“That’s how you’re going to celebrate your birthday? Scrolling through Tumblr?” Remus was dumbfounded, “We HAVE to throw a party!”_

_“No.”_

_“Please?”_

_“No.”_

_“Pwease?”_

_“Remus, no.”_

_“Pwetty pwease, new emo fwiend?”_

_Anxiety groaned, “Okay, okay, you needy fuck! We can throw a party.”_

_Deceit sighed, “You don’t know what you just got yourself into.”_

They ate the delicious snacks Roman and Patton prepared together, admired Logan’s percise decorating skills, laughed, danced, watched movies.

They had fun.

Yet, all the while, throughout the party, there was a nagging voice in the back of his head, whispering, reminding Virgil that none of this felt right, that something was still missing for him to be truly happy.

Virgil refused to listen to it, refused to accept the points his brain made, telling him what is was that was still missing from his life, what he still needed to fix.

The music was a selection of Virgil’s favourites with a couple of Roman’s ‘surprises’ here and there.

The food was awesome and so were the gifts which Virgil was so thankful for, that’s what Virgil kept repeating to himself, reminding himself to smile.

When the party was finally over, Virgil retreated to his room, basking in the scilence after a night of loud music and laughter.

He tossed himself on the bed, yelping when something stabbed him in the back.

Hissing and rubbing his back, Virgil reached behind and pulled out what seemed to be a black box with a ribbon on it.

A gift.

There was a note on it that read,

_I thought you might want these back._

_Happy birthday._

_-D_

Frowning in confusion, Virgil carefully unwraped the box and opened it slowly, wary of what might be lurking inside.

Neatly folded, with just as much care as the first time he saw them, the box revealed the fingerless skeleton gloves.

Before he could really stop them, tears fell from Virgil’s eyes, soaking into the soft black fabric of the gloves in his lap and he sniffled.

_“Virgil, stop! You’re being ridiculous!”_

_“Me?! I’m being ridiculous?! I don’t want to be here anymore and you know damn well why that is!” Virgil screamed, shoving his belongings into a bag._

_“Please! We can talk about this!” Deceit shouted back._

_“Talk?! You want me to talk to you?! Well, newsflash, bitch, you never want to talk to me! You have this personal agenda and you let no one know anything about it! Remus is insane! The others are just plain fucking terrifying and this whole damned place is so dark and cold I can barely sleep! I hate everything about it! Why shouldn’t I try to get them to at least be scared enough to let me stay somewhere nice and warm?!” Virgil could barely breathe, blinded by red hot rage._

_“I am trying my best!”_

_“Your best? You’re doing nothing! You sit in your room, planning god knows what while I’m left to deal with those maniacs out there! There’s a reason why the Lights are scared of us! It’s because all of us are fucking jerks! Well, I don’t want to be like that anymore! I want them to at least be able to stay in the same room as me! I want to talk to Thomas!”_

_“We can do all of that, Virgil, I promise you, we can. Together.”_

_“Oh, I am so done with your promises.” Virgil pushed past him and slammed the door, detirmined to ask or make the Light Sides let him stay._

_Entering their part of the mind, Virgil slid down the wall, shaking and whimpering._

_The light seemed to blind him and the warmth was suffocating as he tried desperately and failed to catch his breath, his chest aching._

_“Patton! You have to come see this!”_

Virgil wiped his face furiously, sniffling and stuffing the box and gloves under his bed angrily, deciding he wanted nothing to do with them.

He tried to distracz himself, listening to music, playing with the enigma box Roman got him, playing with the plushie, brushing his fingers across the fluffy fabric, but nothing helped, his thoughts swirling, swarming, making his head spin and his chest tighten.

Grunting in frustration, Virgil leaned over the side of the bed and pulled the gloves back up, opening the box and taking them out.

He observed them, running his thumb across the smooth fabric, taking in deep slow breaths.

There were memories, he realised, that he wanted to forget but they were the ones he kept remembering but there also were the memories he refused to remember, the ones he pushed down and locked away.

The good memories.

_“Shhh, it’s okay.” Deceit whispered to him soothingly, running a cold gloved hand up and down his back as Anxiety trembled in his arms._

_“I-I’m su-such a screw up...All I do is make Thomas panic...I-...I ju-ust hurt him...” He sobbed._

_“No.” Deceit shushed, “No, honey, that’s not true.”_

_“Liar.” Anxiety sniffled, taking in a shuddering breath, cutting himself off with a loud sob._

_“I sure am. But I’m not cruel. Especially not to you, Stormcloud. The real issue here is that Thomas refuses to even try and learn to work with you. He tries to work against you.” Deceit held him a little tighter, “Don’t blame yourself and never, ever, apologise for existing.”_

_Sniffling, Anxiety pulled away from the embrace and wiped his face with his sleeve which made Deceit smile fondly and say, “Do you feel better now?”_

_Anxiety nodded, “Yeah. Sorry I woke you up.”_

_“What did I just say about apologising for just being yourself?”_

_“Oh, right, sorry.”_

_Then, they both started giggling like the two sleep-deprived idiots they were._

_“Deceit?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“My name is Virgil.”_

_Deceit blinked and then smiled, taking Virgil’s hand, “Thank you for trusting me with that. You’ll forgive me for not wanting to share mine. I’d like to keep that to myself for now.”_

_Virgil nodded, “Of course. I understand.”_

_“I’m so sorry, Dee.” Virgil tried his best to comfort his friend who paced back and forth in his room while Virgil watched him from the bed worriedly._

_Deceit grumbled something unintelligeble, tossing his hat and running his hands through hair, his breathing laboured._

_“Dee, stop Please.” Virgil grasped his shoulders, standing up and facing him, “Remember what you told me. You shouldn’t blame yourself, ever, for just being who you are and Thomas failing to understand that. I’m sure, if he’d actually met you, his stance on lying and what it is would change.”_

_Virgil was surprised to see the tears falling down Deceit’s cheeks._

_He’d never seen the Side cry before and he had no idea what to do._

_So, following some primal instinc, Virgil hugged him, his arms protective around the distressed Side’s torso._

_Holding him, Virgil slowly rocked them side to side, whispering softly, “It’s okay. I love you for who you are and so does Remus, as nutty as he is.”_

_Deceit managed a chuckle, “Thanks, Stormcloud.”_

_“No problem, Dee.”_

_Remus screeched as he swung on the ceiling lamp, screaming out, “I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!!!!!”_

_“DECEIT!” Virgil screamed._

_Deceit ran down the stairs, alarmed by the shouts, “What?! What’s on fire?! Who’s bleeding?!”_

_“Make him stooooop! I wanna watch Buzzfeed Unsolved and he’s making noise and won’t let me.”_

_Deceit pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed exhasparatedly, “Remus Stinky Trash Man Sanders! Get off that lamp right this instant!”_

_“MAKE ME YOU NOODLE BITCH!”_

_“Excuse me? Get down here and apologise right now you chaotic demon!”_

_Virgil flinched at the sound of screaming._

_Deceit noticed this and his eyes widened as he pulled Virgil into a side-hug, “Remus. Down. Now.”_

_“NO! I WI-....”_

_“Get down.”_

_And Remus did, pouting and complaining until he saw Virgil’s distraught expression and the way his chest rose and fell rapidly._

_“Fuck. I’m sorry, Emo.” Remus said and Deceit raised a brow, “And you too, Noodle.”_

_“Who?”_

_“Oh, sorry.” Remus wore a shit-eating grin, “Sir Noodle.”_

_“REMUS!”_

_And as Deceit chased Remus around the room, Virgil felt giddy laughter bubble up inside his chest, replacing the panic._

_He ran at them, shouting, “I’ll help you, Dee! Let’s catch that goblin!”_

“Damn it!” Virgil cursed at himself as the tears kept coming and he sobbed quietly.

There was so much pain and darkness on the Dark Side, so much of it triggering for Virgil, the cold and dark and the menacing Anger, Apathy and others Virgil refused to remember.

But, Virgil realised, while he blamed Deceit for the pain he’d felt it was that same snake that tried his best to keep him away from the darkness and shield him from the pain.

Remus, the maniacal rat, was as disturbed as he was disturbing but he never purposefully hurt Virgil, he sort of just hurt people as collateral damage to his chaotic energy.

And yet, to supress the haunting memories of the pain he’d felt, Virgil blamed it all on them, the first friends he’d made, the first and only people to accept him without question.

_Virgil woke up in a cold sweat._

_He couldn’t breathe, his mind reeling, “Deceit?”_

_The Side appeared almost immediately, wraping his arms around Virgil, “What happened?”_

_“What if I make Thomas panic during the performance tomorrow? What if I ruin his chances and destroy all his hard work’“_

_“You won’t.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“Because i’ll be with you the entire time, making sure you’re okay. I’ll alway be here for you, Stormcloud, whenever you call.”_

“Ah, screw it!” Virgil muttered, getting up, and taking a deep breath, “I guess it’s worth a shot.”

He called out, “Deceit?”

A few moments passed in scilence and Virgil was surprised to feel disappointment creeping up his spine.

Then a voice, sikly and smooth, spoke from behind him, “You called?”

Virgil spun around, “You came.”

“Well, obviously. You called for me.” Deceit told him.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

“Well, I did. what do you want?” Deceit rolled his eyes and if Virgil didn’t know him as well as he did, he’d think Deceit didn’t even want to be there, let alone care.

“I-I...uh,” Virgil stuttered, “I’m...damn it...”

Scilence, utter scilence as that amber eye observed him intently.

He tried again, “I...uhm...thanks for...the gloves?”

“Oh, it was no trouble. I thought you might want them back considering you took any other trace of you from us.” Deceit said and his words stung more than Virgil expected them to.

“I’m sorry.” He found himself saying, his eyes cast to the ground.

“I already told you,” Deceit smirked and Virgil looked up at him, “You never have to apologise for being you.”

“But I-...”

“You were scared. And that’s understandable. So you went somewhere you’d feel safe. Because I...I couldn’t provide you with that safety.”

“Stop being nice, you’re making me feel worse.” Virgil murmured, a shy smile playing on his lips.

“There’s only one thing I want to know.”

“What?”

“What is it that I did, that you blame me for?”

Virgil chuckled though he wanted to cry, “Nothing, absolutely nothing. Sure, Remus scared me and that’s an excuse but you...all you did was try to protect me. But I guess it felt...I don’t know. Everything feels threatening to me.”

“I’m aware of that, yes, and I was also hurt hence the snarky comments and insults since I’ve revealed myself to Thomas. I never meant any harm to him or to you.”

“I know that. It’s just hard to work through all these thoughts and feelins so it’s easier to just...be angry.” Virgil explained sheepishly, tugging on his sleeve nervously.

“What do you say I show up again in the next video and then, plottwist, we get along! I bet the fans would lose it.” Deceit chuckled, “And so would Patton.”

Virgil frowned, “He’ll come around. If I could, then so can all of them. How are you so calm? I thought you were pissed at me.”

“I was never mad, well, perhaps in the beginning. I was hurt and disappointed. I felt betrayed after you’d left because I cared, I do care, so much about you. All I ever wanted was to protect. All of you, Light, Dark, good, bad, I don’t care. Any part of Thomas, I want to protect. I thought they’d hurt you, Virgil, make you feel like you don’t belong and they did at the start which made me want to kill them, honestly. I was so worried. But never angry.”

Virgil wiped his cheek, “This was so much easier than I thought.”

“Things usually are.” Deceit smiled softly, his eyes glimmering with fondness, “Happy birthday, Stormcloud.”

“Thanks, Dee.”

And, for the first time in so long, it was indeed a happy birthday. Though obstacles hung in the air, explanations, tears and arguments, Virgil was proud of himself for making things right...ish. There was still a big conversation to have with Patton and the others.

None of that mattered in that moment as Virgil realised he was not anxious, simply cautious, aware of the risks.

He was happy. (Yeah, sure he made up with Dee but what’s more important is that he had his emo gloves back)

And then, as they both crawled under the covers with smiles on their faces, the pain and guilt gone, Caution and Self Preservation were born.


End file.
